Hi everyone, I am Wuxia Guji (无暇顾及). Welcome here to play.

At that moment, I had been sitting in a café at Shanghai Jiao Tong University, staring at my laptop screen for five hours straight. Tweaking parameters bit by bit, watching how the graphics changed, refreshing the site repeatedly, modifying code over and over… searching for that specific state. Every time, it was just a tiny bit off.

I just wanted a dynamic pattern that felt like it was breathing! It shouldn’t be dead! Not fixed! It needed slight variations, a rhythm, a sense of light, leaping agility!

Do you have OCD? Then I must congratulate you! Because you can joyfully and freely squander your time in pursuit of perfection without expecting anything in return.

My OCD was largely “repaired” during my graduate years. Back then, it didn’t manifest as rigour in biological experiments or my thesis; instead, I was thinking about how to meet the minimum requirements for graduation. It was probably then that I discovered that whether experimental data is usable, and to what extent, depends largely on how you narrate and express it. That phase was my awakening of individual consciousness—a stage of personal will clashing with the system, not yet adapted to the domestic research hierarchy. (I am grateful that those years lowered my resistance to getting things done and curbed my perfectionist tendency to obsess over details at the expense of the big picture.)

My OCD was most severe in high school. It manifested in spending hours looking up every single word in an English article, even when my young and beautiful teacher said it wasn’t important. It showed in the eve of exams, when I would spend hours piecing together a 1,000-piece puzzle, repeatedly checking for tiny misplaced patterns.

After years of dormancy, this OCD experienced a massive revival after one year and eight months of working, specifically while I was building my personal website. At that moment, I was frazzled, staring expressionlessly at my screen, questioning Gemini about why my code kept throwing errors. I was sitting in the SJTU café. To my left, a student with long curly hair was ordering coffee on their phone. To their left, a pair of guys sat facing each other. One was talking incessantly about which classes were easy, which were interesting, and which teachers were innovating in their teaching. His companion cooperated in the conversation, but the first student’s voice was so loud I could only hear him; his companion’s voice faded into the buzzing background. Although immersed in my own world, their talk drifted around my brain—someone mentioned self-media, anxious about video editing, or talking about long-distance relationships.

Calmly, I occasionally glanced at my surroundings, then refocused on the design of the audio player button I wanted to insert. Why wouldn’t it look the way I wanted? I told Gemini over and over what kind of pattern I was looking for. I told it:

“I want the dynamic pattern to be fluid, to have a sense of breathing. It needs to be leaping dynamically, possessing the tranquility of a galaxy in orbit. The black dots on the periphery should leap, and the boundaries need to be softened.”

The code it gave me continually failed to reach my desired state, so I modified it again and again. By then, I had been in the café for five hours.

After achieving the desired dynamic graphic, the music insertion issue arose. How to avoid copyright issues? How to convert video to audio for free? Searching for free conversion sites. How to solve the problem of file sizes being too large?

Why not just pick any feasible song and generate an insertion link?

No. The music must be the exact one that matches the state the website wants to present in this moment. Even if there are no copyright issues now, I cannot ignore them for the future.

After the dynamic rotating and leaping pattern was ready, I had to solve the problem of music interrupting across pages. While changing that code, I accidentally touched the underlying code for the dynamic pattern again. It needed fixing, but the original code suddenly stopped working… so I modified it repeatedly… looking at the handsome foreign guy sitting nearby didn’t even help; I just felt frustrated.

Why is there no sense of breathing? Why aren’t the edges softened? Why won’t it rotate around the circle? Why is the rotation so rigid? Why is there no leap, no rise and fall, no light feeling?

Once that was solved, the font issue came up. Why couldn’t the text below be different from the font above? (The font strokes must have a literary atmosphere and the texture of emotional creation, not a hard, industrial feel.) The font displayed perfectly on my PC and Android phone, but why wouldn’t it show correctly on an iPhone? After modifying the code, it threw error after error. Once one error was fixed, another appeared.

How can these two fonts be the same? The concrete, intuitive feeling they give is worlds apart!

Perhaps you’ll ask, why not just use a website template? Why? Because we aren’t clones, are we? Literary creation is the manifestation of one’s essence; it strips away all external attributes of a person.

Meaning is bestowed upon things by humans. Just as marriage and children are considered extremely meaningful “major life events” for most people—the way they complete their lives, whether blissful or void. If I think this task is meaningful, then it is. Everything here was created by me personally; I have bestowed meaning upon every paragraph of text, every choice of audio, and the creation of every dynamic pattern.

There is no “high” or “low” here. You and I simply choose different ways to spend our time. Some choose to attend classes and earn degrees, walking on the scale of time. Some do experiments, modify protocols, write, and publish papers to spend their lives. Some choose careers and money; some choose to chat. Just like this article or the design of this website—it doesn’t directly produce visible economic utility. But in the process, I harvested an extremely high internal reward. What exactly is this internal reward?

1. The “Self-Stability” brought by alignment: A relaxed body, stable and not impulsive. > 2. A sense of Sovereignty: The ability to make this thing look exactly the way I want. > 3. The “Sense of Life” from generation: Writing in one breath, becoming clearer as I go—this is the brain generating new structures in real-time. > 4. No need for external validation. > 5. Time disappearance: The reward of Flow.

A Double-Edged Sword

However, this high internal reward is also a double-edged sword. It means I might fail to create a proper “entry point” to attract an audience. Commercialization seems less important; even my day job starts to seem less interesting.

Because I am immersed in the tranquility and happiness brought by long-lasting flow, I can even respond to every client and company leader with a calm, cooperative attitude. Nothing creates a ripple; everything becomes remarkably pleasant.

I saw a quote today: How much creativity an individual can radiate under the immense pressure and limitations of an era—and the rise or fall of a nation and its culture—depends on the extent to which it can liberate individual creativity.

I am not elevating myself to such a high context. What I want to express is that the gap between people can exist or not, but once you have something you are willing to persist in without seeking reward, you have already achieved happiness.

As when designing this website, or when writing this article—doing these things that seem useless but are profoundly important—in this moment, I have realized my happiness, and you will find and realize yours too.

Connect with Me

Click to join the WeChat group via the QR code below to discuss flowing thoughts, reflections, and life sciences.

🎙️ Find Me

• Official Account (WeChat): 就在此地Right here
  Currently, Wuxia Guji has several collections:

1. Skills, 2. Human Sample Collector, 3. Whimsical Ideas, 4. Continuous Ideas, 5. Intake & Organization Notes, 6. Solitude Diary, 7. Tools, 8. Cosmic Exploration Journal, 9. Podcast “Right Here”, 10. Insight & Awareness, 11. Records of Daily Aesthetic Pleasure, 12. How to Write.

• Podcast: 【就在此地Right here】
  Available on:
  Domestic: Xiaoyuzhou, NetEase Cloud Music, QQ Music, Ximalaya, Apple Podcasts, Lizhi
  Overseas: Apple Podcasts, Spotify
• Email: rightheretc@163.com
  Note: If you have any topics you’d like to explore, feel free to contribute via email.